True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
