Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
