she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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