Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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