you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize