her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
