Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
