i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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