I have demons in me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
