You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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