Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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