I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
