dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
