I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
