I think I died a long time ago.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
