what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
