There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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