nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
