I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
