i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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