So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
