idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
