my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
