I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
