Pants 0. Shit 1.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
