Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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