If that was your dad, he is hot
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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