she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
