I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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