Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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