i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My vagina is officially offended.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
