Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
