My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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