saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
