Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
