ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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