I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
