I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
