Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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