Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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