Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
