She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
