I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
