She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
