This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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