Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
