This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize