why do cheetos always look like penises
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
