Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
