you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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