who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
