had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
