just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Randomize
