In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do vagina's smell?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
