well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
