normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
