It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
