I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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