she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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