Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
