so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Terrible idea I love it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
