I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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