if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
