and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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