There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize