last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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