you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
