Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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