Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
