she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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