A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
