Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
