if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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