Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
