My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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