I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
