i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
