dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
