Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
