i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
